Tired of scrolling through endless spirals of travel-inspo TikToks? Summer homesickness hitting right where it hurts as rainy London days and unsatisfactory single-digit-degrees cloud the horizon? Desperately in need of some comedic divertissement to distract from the gloomy British blues? Look no further. We’ve taken it upon ourselves to deliver you with the inside scoop of the staff body’s craziest travel stories...AGAIN. From getting caught in electric storms to wearing leech socks, boy have our teachers seen some rough days. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the following compilation…
Mr Carrol
“Gosh…I think it would have to be going to Cape Town on a Dulwich College Rugby tour.”
A somewhat underwhelmingly tame beginning. But, as diligent Godolphin students, we decided to refrain from ‘judging the book by its cover’ and gave Mr Carrol the opportunity to salvage the static beginning of what we were sure would become a highly captivating memoir.
“I was seconds fifteen backs coach - which basically means ‘spare person who doesn’t know anything about rugby’” (the self-deprecating joke did, we admit, bring forth a slight chuckle, so bonus points for that) “And we flew into Cape Town, landed, got to the 'hotel', we’ll call it a hostel. And then me and another guy, a teacher, promptly got into a taxi on the same morning we’d flown in, to Table Mountain. Taxi broke down in the middle of the route, and then we had to get another taxi - which I later found is not a wise move in Cape Town.
At this point we humbly confessed we couldn't quite understand the problem of getting two taxis in a row, to which he heartily laughed and corrected: “No, no to get a taxi in the middle of nowhere!”
Apologies for having misunderstood the evidently clear meaning. The memoir continued undeterred.
“And then we did get one, we were alright, got it to the bottom of the mountain and then we walked up the mountain having flown up 2 hours previously…Just because we wanted to go up Table Mountain.”
Truly, Mr Caroll’s limits know no challenging - all those meticulously planned CYL weeks clearly have given this teacher the transferable skills needed to tackle a myriad of difficult situations: from handling Godolphin girls (no easy feat!) to battling South African taxi malfunctions.
Taj
“What do you mean, travel story? What do you mean, craziest? I haven’t been on holiday for a while…I’ve got to think about this...Craziest travel story…uhh…I don’t have any.”
Upon being told this was an insufficient answer, Taj quickly asked for some examples of previous teacher’s answers, to which we put forward Mr Caroll’s brave taxi conundrum, and received the swift, incredulous retort: “That’s not crazy! A taxi breaking down - that’s not crazy at all.”
Clearly what this teacher has faced puts Mr Caroll and his rugby tour to shame. Eager to extract such rare inside information, the interview pressed on.
“I would say, second year of uni, me and a couple of mates, we decided we wanted to go on holiday but we didn’t book anything. So we rocked up to the airport with a bag, and went to an airline desk and said ‘What’s your cheapest flight to Europe?’ and we got a flight to Budapest, and then stayed there for a week.”
An adventurous spirit like no other - Taj viciously and unapologetically steals the spotlight from Mr Caroll.
Ms Joseph (#muchmissed)
“Oh my god - I don’t have a crazy…I don’t! No - I don’t! Hang on, hang on, let me think. Craziest? What do you mean - GASP - oh no…”
This netball star had evidently seen our faces light up with curiosity at her involuntary gasp. After vain attempts to deter us, she realised that it would be impossible to come between a Godolphin girl and her bloodhound-like instinct for journalistic opportunity.
“I went on holiday to Jamaica” (“Oh - was this after your wedding?”) “Oh no, no, no, this is years ago - this is NOT after my wedding! I’m a married woman now!”
Spoken like a true ex-party girl. Serna van der Woodsen would approve.
“So, in the summer I went to Jamaica, and I went to a pool party, and um- you know those mobile phone holders, that allow you to go into the pool and your phone stays dry? I gave my phone to my friend that I met, and he lost it. He was obviously very upset that he’d lost my phone - so I climbed onto the stage where they were performing and singers were singing, and I grabbed the mic from the singer! And I announced to everyone in the pool party to stop dancing, stop enjoying themselves, for everyone to duck their heads under the water to look for my phone - and someone actually found it. And it still worked!”
Moral of the story? Don’t trust fellow party-goers with your phone, particularly in liquid environments. Honestly, we are thoroughly impressed with Ms Joseph’s ability to get an entire pool party to follow her instructions - evidently this teacher has never had a problem getting classes to focus.
Dr Goodall
This interview took place in the depths of the terrifying staff room, during which many judgy/inquisitive looks from teachers passing by were received. Not a place for the weak-hearted.
“Once I went back country skiing around Crater Lake in Oregon! And we stayed overnight in the snow, for a few days.”
We thought we misheard her - “You stayed…INSIDE the snow?!”
“Yeah - we dug into the snow and slept there, with a little tent above.”
Commitment to history evident here - but as the old saying goes: to teach the course you must experience the course. Evidently Dr Goodall’s lessons about troops faring miserably through harsh Russian winters must have a thoroughly personal outlook now. #Respect.
“Yes, it was really cold - don’t do that. I was twenty-five.”
Mr Corish
Unable to secure an interview with this elusive teacher, we assigned the investigative task to a trusted member of his class and received the response by email!
‘He and his 3 friends cycled from Ireland to Budapest at 18, and only took one tent.’
We looked it up. It’s 2,591 km. We predict his legs still ache to this very day.
Dr Badger
Another elusive teacher…however, our infallible team managed to get the goods again via email (#shoutoutIT).
“So many to choose from! Probably…scuba diving with a school of hammerhead sharks in the Galapagos islands. Just an amazing experience, particularly as
the day before we had been to the same location and seen absolutely nothing. Also, nothing can quite prepare you for how giant those giant tortoises are in the wild!”
Ms Whitby
“Oh! Ooh…I mean it’s not crazy! Um…this is a hard one - give me a second! I mean, when you say crazy…? I mean, I’ve got crazy, like crazy ‘cool’?”
Don’t worry Ms Whitby - all of Sixth Form already think you’re cool. Just keep those Form Time breakfasts coming and we’ll ensure your ‘cool’ label stays put. However, cease to bring hot chocolate and croissants…well, you’ve been warned.
“I spent three nights in the middle of the Borneo rainforest in the summer. No internet, no electricity, no phones, none of that. It was planned, me and my partner went. There was like, a hut in stilts that we stayed in - We had to wear leech socks! We saw lots of spiders, lots of snakes, loads of frogs - loads of really cool birds! You could see them flying over the top.”
Mrs Andrade
The question had barley left our lips when this physicist’s eyes shone and she exclaimed excitedly:
“Oh my god, I know! So, when I took a train from…um, it was in India, it was an overnight train - oh no! That’s not even the craziest story!”
An evident quick story-change here. She held us, spellbound, in momentary silence, then continued…
“Ok, so this is when I was a student in university and I went backpacking around Europe with a group of friends. There are a couple of stories here…the craziest is probably the first time we went on an Italian sleeper train - the cheaper version, where you just pull the seats out and they just form one big bed. Oh yeah. No privacy there. No privacy. Very communal.”
We shuddered - but, alas, the worst was yet to come.
“Four girls, we were probably about nineteen, and then two REALLY, REALLY overweight old men came in to join us. That was REALLY not pleasant, because they also had a few…hygiene issues…And that was overnight, so that was really pretty grim. Probably, that’s my funniest. We were all just trying to huddle closer together, away from them, and they just thought that was great - you know, so they just kept spreading out more! So the more we sort of squished over towards the window, the more they were like- ugh. It was just awful.”
Awful is indeed the way we would describe that particular experience. Will be avoiding Italian sleeper trains in the future.
“On that same trip we ended up in Monte Carlo (sounds glamorous, I know) and there was a lovely hostel called the Princess Caroline Hostel, very cheap. But we had no food - so we went to the local market and they felt so sorry for us because we were so bedraggled that they gave us all this free bread and cheese. So that was really nice.”
All’s well that ends well, for this brave explorer.
Ms James
“I reckon mine would be…I was in Athens last Christmas and we’d just been for dinner and we were walking back from the main square, and there were all these men with like, balaclavas, just dotted around the place - it was a bit dodgy!”
Note to reader: if you see numerous men in balaclavas surrounding the main square of a foreign city…perhaps it’s time to make your way back to your rooms.
“And I was like “Hmm, we should probably go.” So we started to walk. But then the person I was with said ‘No let’s stay - what if something crazy happens! We should be here, experience it firsthand.’” (?!?) “I was like: ‘I’m not sure this is a great idea’ but at this point I’d probably had some wine, so we stayed and watched what was happening for a little bit.
Right. This worryingly echoes the beginning of many dystopian/horror movies…enthralled, we urged the philosophy teacher to continue.
“They’d started this big fire in the middle of the square and then some police came in with the big, plastic, whats-it-called…Oh-the batons! And they came running in. Suddenly, all these other people with balaclavas came off the rooftops and started throwing glass bottles and stuff! Everything was smashing! All the police were coming in, and STILL my friend was like ‘No, we should stay! Let’s see what happens next…’”
In the nicest possible way, Miss James - PLEASE do not go travelling with this friend again…
“And then there was a certified gunshot, at which point we were like ‘Yeah, maybe probably time to go’ -So she just sprints off! Leaving me behind, and I’m not a very quick runner, so I was clamouring behind her, and I’d had a massive moussaka and a couple glasses of wine…and then in the end we were fine. I googled it and there was no coverage online or anything. Really weird…”
Ms Brown
“Oh, I can’t really think of any…I’m quite organised so my travelling usually goes to plan!”
#organisedQueen. That’s what we like to hear.
“Hang on, we were chased by an electric storm - like thunder and lightning!”
Quick interjection here to debate whether the term ‘electric storm’ had ever been used before. Ms Brown adamantly insisted it had. We subtly suggested she might be using it to help emphasise the dramatic effect of her story. Ms Brown denied all accusations of embellishing her story and bravely continued in the face of our ignorant criticisms.
“Anyway, we were hiking in Slovenia - I was with Adele actually, who used to work here. We went on holiday together two summers ago. We were hiking hut-to-hut, carrying all our stuff on our backs, and rather than camping you stay in these surface huts.” (“So like, a DofE X Slovenia crossover?”) “Yeah - that’s exactly it! And it was like, really freakishly warm weather - that means obviously, on the mountains, that all the clouds gather and there’s a storm coming in. So we got up ridiculously early the next day - we wanted to climb the highest mountain in that range, Grintovec, but we knew that the storm was coming at some point that morning. We got up at like 5am, managed to get to the top of it, did some Via Ferrata, it’s like…wire that goes round mountains so you can clip in with a harness, it’s like rock climbing but safer…”
NOTHING about this story feels ‘safe’…
“We managed to get up the mountain, down the other side, got to the hut, sat down in the hut, cracked open a beer - and then the storm just like, erupted.
Truly, this experience as investigative journalists has left us with not only a newfound respect for many of our brave, adventurous teachers, but also with the sensation that we simply have not been crazy enough in our own travels…something to keep in mind when planning our post-exams summer…
The Unpublished Team
xoxo
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