Godolphin Icks

As you all should be well-aware of by now we, Unpublished, feel strongly about everything. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that we have a long list of icks that we need to get off our chest in the hope that, with our incredible journalistic prowess and influence, we can get you all to stop icking us out so much. It’s for your own good, really. You want our approval (honestly, who doesn’t. We’re great. This is an indisputable fact not an opinion) so read, learn, and stop being such a public nuisance. 

Leaving plates outside + bits of food on the tables 

No. Why? Why would you do that?  What could possibly possess anyone to take a plate somewhere and not bring it back? Yes, I understand, you’re busy… isn’t everyone? That’s no excuse. Just think about this logically for a second: it’s meat free monday (#iconic), you’re eating some nondescript vegetable curry, you eat it, you think “I’m late for my club! Let me just go!”. Herein lies the issue. It does not take five hours to pick your plate up and put it in the appropriate place (stacked on the shelves under the bins in the dining room and cloisters. Feel the need to reiterate that point. Some of you seem to have forgotten.) I honestly do not understand you. I myself am a busy person but never in all my years at Godolphin (and there have been quite a few. Yes, I’m old. Leave me alone.) have I felt the need to abandon my half-eaten jacket potato on a bench in the middle of the courtyard. Get a grip. Also, If you happen to spill some ketchup on the table or drip some sauce on the benches (unfortunately, I have seen this happen far too regularly) please clean it up. I thought this would be common sense but alas! ‘Tis not for some of you. Yet again, it doesn’t take too long to get some tissues and clean up after yourself. Be better. 

Running to lunch

Look: I get it. You’re hungry. I’m hungry. We’re all hungry (well aware that this reads like my Year 7 French homework but I feel as though it’s necessary to hammer home the point). However, do we really think it’s necessary to run like we’ve got an entire pack of hyenas chasing us? I don’t know who needs to hear this (evidently quite a few of you) but you will get fed regardless of if you sprint like you’re trying to break a Guinness world record or if you calmly stroll into the queue. Especially you, Year 7! Being released a whole fifteen minutes earlier than other years is a luxury I did not have at your age- shocking, I know. I’m pretty sure the whole point of it is so that you can walk to lunch at a normal speed and not alarm the students on the floors below you who legitimately think an earthquake is about to happen before they check the clock. I actually wish this was an exaggeration but unfortunately, many of our loyal readers will be well-aware that it’s not. I only have two words left to say to anyone who runs to lunch like they haven’t eaten in months and there’s a singular piece of bread left in the whole school: calm down. Seriously, it’s ok. You will eat. Most of us have been knocked over by an alarmingly speedy hoard of students one too many times for me let this slide. Chill. 

Walking 10 in a row- obstructing the corridors

PLEASE STOP. There is not a conversation in the world that requires you to walk ten in a row within the corridor. And up the stairs… absolutely not. You have four minutes to get to lessons, and when there's a million people attempting to defy the laws of physics by cramming themselves into a tight space - it's basically a survival game. Just think: how many times have you been running late to a lesson, slightly panicked, and then boom - an immovable mass of students, standing shoulder to shoulder, taking up the ENTIRE main staircase? At least a few times, I’m sure. It’s like they’ve formed a human barricade, blissfully unaware of the desperate souls trapped behind them. From experience, I can confidently say that at least 90% of my between-lesson stress comes from the struggle of forcing my way through a mob of lower school students with massive backpacks. I’m talking about bags so big they could double as camping equipment. (What are you carrying in there? A backup tent? A lifetime supply of snacks?). Let’s talk spatial awareness - because it’s a real thing, and some of you need it badly. If you and your friends are taking up the entire width of the hallway, you are the problem. If people are having to perform parkour-like maneuvers just to get past you, please reconsider your life choices. I promise you, whatever ‘tea’ you’re ‘spilling’ can wait. Walk in pairs, move with purpose, and for the love of all things good DO NOT STOP in the middle of a busy corridor to chat. The hallway is not a conference room, and the staircase is not your personal runway.

Moving desks around and not moving them back 

Why? Just why? If you’re going to rearrange the entire classroom like you're setting up for an in the round reading of Shakespeare, the least you could do is put it back. Yet, somehow, every lesson ends with a tragedy - desks scattered like a crime scene, chairs abandoned in odd places, and the next lesson's poor teacher standing there, staring at the chaos like they’ve just lost all faith in humanity. Here’s the thing: I get it. Sometimes you need to sit next to your friend. Sometimes the group work requires a bit of shifting. But what I don’t get is why, when the lesson ends, you all act like returning the desks to their original spots is some impossible task - like you’ve never seen a rectangle before and have no idea where it goes. I’m fairly certain that you all have had to learn your shapes so how is this happening? Teachers do not deserve to double as furniture-removal-specialists. And let’s be honest - neither do the students who actually bother to clean up after you. You wouldn’t rearrange your entire living room and then just walk away like it’s someone else’s problem (at least, I hope you wouldn’t). So why is the classroom any different? It’s simple: If you moved it, move it back. If you don’t know where it goes, use your eyes - there’s usually a very obvious pattern. And if you think, “Eh, someone else will do it,” congratulations, you are the reason we can’t have nice things. Just take the extra ten seconds to fix what you messed up, and maybe, just maybe, we won’t all be subjected to a five-minute lecture on ‘respecting the classroom’ every other day.

So there you have it - our ever-growing list of completely valid grievances, brought to you with love (and just a hint of frustration). At the end of the day, none of these things are that difficult to fix. We’re not asking for miracles - just a world where we don’t have to dodge stampedes at lunch, navigate obstacle courses of abandoned desks, or witness the absolute horror of leftover food decomposing on public surfaces. Be mindful. Be considerate. And most importantly, be better.

Until next time - go forth, learn, and for the love of all things good, STOP.

Xoxo,

The Unpublished Team