Watching Euphoria has opened my eyes to two truths of the universe:
No-one will ever be able to pull off a bodysuit like Maddy Perez.
Living in the UK is terrible because there is nowhere to watch it except Now TV, or -- shudder -- online. Every time I pull up another browser that is definitely invading my laptop with bots who promise to “live in chiswick near me,” I can hear HBO Max cackling in the distance.
But, maybe more importantly than this, is the fashion in Euphoria. I’m convinced that the designer has never stepped foot in a school -- clearly the ‘oyster-card-above-the-knee’ skirt rule is completely foreign to them -- and yet… I’m addicted. Here are my favourite (and least favourite) looks of the past two seasons.
Quick summary of show: everyone is pretty and covered in glitter and constantly standing in neon lighting to intense bass drops. Everyone is also really sad constantly.
Starting off with something a little more conservative. I say conservative, but at the same time, her top is basically a single piece of shredded fabric that seems worryingly likely to be ripped apart by the pins at any moment. However, I could definitely see this being sold for about 45 pounds on depop, probably under the tag #rarebrandy, and in my opinion, that is the highest estimation of praise.
Continuing with Maddy, just because she has so much ~range~, is this nightmare of a two-piece. My main reason for hating this is because I am bitterly aware that if I wore it, I would look like a granny who put her pyjamas in the wash and didn't notice they’d shrunk. Somehow it doesn’t even look that weird on her. She’s giving me vintage gucci, but I’d be giving fished-it-out-of-a-bin.
I’m on the fence for this one. I have a weird connection to Lexi Howard because, by some strange game the universe is clearly playing, I actually own multiple items in her closets. Not even things that look like it. I actually own her clothes. So, if I’m mean to her, then I’m basically slating my own fashion sense, and I refuse to do that. (my journalistic integrity died long ago).So, this outfit is great. Really, truly, great.
You know what I’m going to say: yes, she looks great, the colour is great, and honestly the determination in her eyes is so powerful I feel physically affected by it from behind my screen. However, if I showed up to school wearing a leather harness, not sure I’d be invited back/allowed within 500 feet of the premises. I can see the headlines now: “Godolphin girl expelled for breaking every dresscode simultaneously. Keep your children near you, she’s currently roaming Hammersmith Broadway, dressed like she’s about to clip herself onto a high ropes course.”
Not an outfit, per se, but can I just take a moment to say that Jules might be the strongest character in the series for wearing her hair like this. Seriously, imagine putting on lipgloss and then the wind picking up. You’d be left with possibly your entire head of hair superglued to your mouth.
Love it, love the glare, love how she is utterly aware of being blinded by an enormous spotlight. This is what happens when you wear a pleated skirt: the universe kneels before you.
Ignoring the fact that Cassie seems to be going through the seven stages of grief in the space of a single facial expression, let's instead applaud her; she is dressed for school! (The fact that this is a cause for celebration says a lot about the show.) Yet I propose that the fact that she seems utterly despondent may relate to the lack of glitter on her clothes. In Euphoria, more glitter = more happy! I don’t make the rules.
I wanted to get Rue in somehow, because Zendaya must need a chiropractor after carrying the entire show on her back, but my favourite of her outfits was her dressed as a detective… this probably says something about me, but I haven’t got the mental strength right now to go down that rabbit hole. Maybe we should bring back wearing breeches? I definitely feel like I’d be 30% more intelligent wearing a detective’s badge.
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