As the end of the 2023 calendar year creeps closer, excitement fizzes through the school corridors. That’s right. The time has come for Spotify’s annual Wrapped to profess its verdict upon the past year’s worth of listening. Yet whilst the student body is confident of their No. 1 song - what of our much-loved staff? Time and time again we’ve delved into the depths of the staff dining room, we’ve cornered them in their offices, dragging out reluctant answers to what item they couldn’t live without, what’s on their Christmas wish lists and upcoming summer plans - but what about their favourite song? What melody makes them look dramatically out of the bus window as they embark on their daily commute? What tune puts a little spring in their step? Luckily for our readers, the sample of answers have been dutifully collected and compiled to form the ultimate Teacher Playlist. Enjoy and don’t hesitate to look some of these bad boys up later…
Mr Carroll
The words had barely left my mouth before the maths teacher immediately broke into a wide grin. “I’m still really on board with ‘Blue, Blue Sky, Green, Green Grass!’” he proclaimed, “I heard it yesterday and it just filled me with joy.” Whilst I was still recovering from this decidedly unexpected answer, he hit me with: “It actually made me think about Lipsync.” I followed with an apprehensive inquiry as to whether the new Lipsync theme would be influenced by this song choice, to which I received a mysterious raise of the eyebrows and no further information. Godolphin: you heard it here first. You’ve been warned.
Ms Moule
Ms Moule also immediately sprang to an answer, mentioning how she’d “just been thinking about this the other day!”. At the moment, this English teacher states that her favourite song is named ‘Woman’ - very apt seeing as she teaches her Lower Sixth class the Women in Lit theme for A-Level. Clearly, Ms Moule listened attentively to Dr Badger’s “enriching outside of the subject curriculum” assembly. “I don’t even know if it’s a feminist song,” she states (disappointingly), and confesses she “doesn’t even know what it’s about”, yet assures me “it’s very mellow” and she “likes the vibes”. I can’t help but feel that, as an English teacher, she could’ve perhaps expanded her answer a tad more - so many years of PEA paragraphs down the drain. She informed me ‘Woman’ is sung by a British rock folk band named Mumford & Sons, then proceeded to stare expectantly at me until it became evident that I did not, in fact, know who Mumford & Sons were. Scandalised, she said that I “must have heard of Mumford & Sons” as they are “quite famous!”. Visibly disgusted, thus terminated the interview.
Ms Joseph
Worry struck Ms Joseph as I asked my question, and she nervously asked “Can it be an old song?” as she “doesn’t listen to new music”. She spent a few minutes with furrowed brow and pensive gaze until she finally landed on: “Montell Jordan, This Is How We Do It”, because “my son doesn’t let me listen to anything but music on his playlist”. I’m filled with admiration for both her son’s banging taste in music and his ability to establish evident dominance in the Joseph household. #strongindependenttoddler
Taj
Taj should be named Godolphin Comedian of the Year after he answered with a monotone, deadpan “Don’t listen to music. Hate it. Can’t stand it.” He then laughed at me for fully believing his hilarious skit, and proclaimed that he “obviously was lying!”. He even asked whether that would’ve been a good answer, and when replied with “I guess so?” immediately retorted with “Oh no, then I love music.” His comedic genius knows no limit. The sports teacher remarked that it was a “tough question” and then asked what my favourite song was - to which I pointed out he wasn’t allowed to turn the interview back on the interviewer, and received the questionable reply “I’ve watched enough news channels to know that I can.” After much berating, the answer was finally extracted: G.O.A.T. by Dijit Dosanjh - which, he also informs me, is in Punjabi.
Ms Graham (Geo)
Inconveniently bumped into on the stairs outside the staff room, Ms Graham only had time to utter a quick “Ooooh - I don’t know what its called…it’s by Le Tigre” before we were viciously separated by a stream of incoming teacher-student traffic, but she didn’t leave before promising to email me her final answer. True to her promise, I received a quick email later that very same day from the geographer, stating her favourite song was Deceptacon, by Le Tigre. Curious and slightly excited by such an exotic-sounding artist, I couldn’t resist looking up the song and immediately recognised it from TikTok. Did Ms Graham hear it there first? I guess we’ll never know.
Mr Rees-Williams
The Spanish teacher's initial sceptical response was: “Right now?”, but after being told it was imperative - his very first feature in the magazine being of the utmost importance - he relented. Muttering about how he “always has to look up the names of the songs” he spent a good deal of time musing before finally coming up with the answer I Love the Nightlife, by Anita Ward. Evidently, this Spanish teacher knows how to have a good fiesta. Que bueno. Perhaps he can convince the MFL Department to take his A-Level and IB Spanish classes on a school trip to Ibiza, as they were unable to embark on their Year 9 trip to Salamanca due to COVID. We feel a make-up trip is very necessary, and would deeply improve our love and appreciation of Spanish culture.
Dr Goodall
Another “Right now?” from the historian - it’s almost enough to make me think the teachers are reluctant to be interviewed, but then I remember how incredible Unpublished is and how everyone wants the honour of being interviewed, so it just can’t possibly be that. After a few “Ummm”s and “Hmmm”s, Dr Goodall showcased her passion and dedication to the questionable might of France’s Regency government (sentiments she is currently trying to replicate amongst her A-Level students) in her answer, “Not Strong Enough, by Boygenius”. Upon being asked whether she had purchased tickets for their tour, the History teacher’s countenance immediately turned very dark and she uttered a single, irate: “No.” I think we can hazard a guess at what item is at the top of Dr Goodall’s Xmas list…someone get this #queen the show she deserves.
Ms Halifax
“These things change, on almost a daily basis” said Ms Halifax, and, after a moment’s hesitation (which probably should have prevented her from professing the following), confessed that “Today, I had Titanum on repeat.” This phrase was accompanied by a small, embarrassed chuckle. Mortified and judgemental looks from her LVI English Lit class. “I’m so sorry - another day it might’ve been an operaria!” but it was too late - the judgement only intensified. As a last resort, the English teacher sheepishly disclosed that her listening choice had been due to the fact she “felt the need to get into the fighting zone”. Why, exactly, does Ms Halifax need to get into the fighting zone? Is she, perhaps, a member of some underground fight club? Or is the labour of teaching itself Miss Halifax’s muscly opponent? Whatever demons this English teacher is up against, Titanium is a poor choice regardless.
Mr Renshaw
We find another eager answer in Mr Renshaw, who promptly exclaimed “Oh - you’ll definitely never have heard of it!” Curious and now slightly hoping to prove him wrong, the Classics teacher stated that Van Morrison’s “pay no money” was his favourite song. He then spelled the title out for me, which radically changed what I had understood into Van Morrison’s Tupelo Honey. An honest mistake. I did not, in fact, know it. Upon being told diverse answers were always welcome, he nodded his head and confirmed: “That’s diverse. Yes.” Mr Renshaw then proceeded to leave, declaring his “duty is now over”. Probably referring to his lunch duty, but let’s pretend he was commenting on his committed contribution to Unpublished.
Mr Upton
Another teacher caught in the lunch hall, Mr Upton had to consult his Spotify ‘on repeat’ playlist before delivering the answer “a song called 11:11, by Ben Barnes”. I rapidly inquired whether the aforementioned artist also happened to be Ben Barnes - the famously good-looking actor, to which he replied that he didn’t know, and asked if it was “This guy on the screen”. The ‘guy’ was indeed Narnia’s very own Prince Caspian. Further proof that Ben Barnes really does have it all. Perhaps the two thespians should have a tête-a-tête - could lead to the next up-and-coming West End production.
Mrs Andrade
Mrs Andrade began her answer by saying that her listening habits “really do vary”, but confidently stated her favourite song was All Over the World, by ELO. ELO, she informed me, stands for Electric Light Orchestra - which, she confesses, unfortunately holds “no physics connection whatsoever”, but deep down we all know this physicist’s love for her subject knows no bounds and definitely plays into her music taste. She also adds that the music video is “really cool” and features a “great dance flash mob - particularly in Liverpool Street”. She claims to have always been a proud “lover of organised dances like that”. Perhaps she should visit the sports department and ask to participate in the next Year 7 Just Dance session.
Ms Brown
Ms Brown tried to prolong the reveal of her answer for as long as possible, stating that “all my listening history is just podcasts!” before some hardcore investigative prowess managed to shed light on her secret: “my most recent is We Wish You A Merry Christmas”, brief pause, “...the Kidz Bop Version.” The consequential outbreak of laughter caused this sports teacher to protest vainly, by furtively saying “Because that’s what we were dancing to with the Year 7s, and I’ve had it on repeat!” Whatever you say, Ms Brown - next time, give Mrs Andrade a ring.
Ms James
This teacher immediately struck a good note as she said “Well, it’s probably something from 1989, Taylor’s version isn’t it?”. She then went on to advocate for a website called ‘Receiptify’, which she claims “tells you what your top listened-to songs are”. After consulting this trusted site, she stated that her most listened-to song is Loving is Easy, by Rex Orange County.
Mr Corish
I did not have the pleasure of interviewing Mr Corish in person, but was given the following information via email from a student in one of his classes. Apparently, Mr Corish is listening to Baby Shark, but is a “Hozier advocate”. Read that twice. Part of me really wants to believe this teacher is not willingly spending time listening to the Korean children’s song, but after desperately scouring the internet searching ‘baby shark group’ and ‘baby shark artist’, (to no avail) I feel I am left with no other choice. Furthermore, I’m quite surprised a Baby Shark lover can also be a Hozier lover, but clearly Mr Corish is full of surprises.
UPDATE: Turns out the maths teacher “discovered” Baby Shark because his daughter introduced it to him - AND, in another of a series of Mr Corish’s endless plot twists, the reason behind his support for Hozier is because they both went to uni together. Crazy.
Ms Ockenden
This art teacher immediately gave me the answer “Cuckoo Song, by Cosmo Sheldrake”, before illuminating me about the aforementioned artist’s environmental approach to music: “Basically, he remixes sounds of nature and puts them back together”. Ms Ockenden then delved into further detail, taking me with her on a musical journey filled with “birds and stuff”, finally coming to the conclusion that “it’s very beautiful music”. I was even lucky enough to snatch a little auditory preview of said music (although unfortunately Ms Ockenden was unable to find the exact song itself), so I can definitely say firsthand: very #ecoresort vibes. Clearly this artist is dreaming of some nature/woodland getaway. Perhaps this might shed some light on the location of future Art trips to come…
Dr Badger
As Dr Badger’s schedule is full to the brim with boiling frogs, AI and MARGE - how does the chemist do it - I was, regrettably, unable to catch her for an interview. However, she did take it upon herself to send me detailed answer via school email. Please read below:
“Many G&L students will know that Dr Badger is not a massive fan of Christmas so songs at this time of year tend to annoy me. However, we are currently singing Britten's Ceremony of Carols in my choir and it is a wonderful piece of music. Balulalow is a particular favourite - it's just too short! Very much looking forward to performing with a professional harpist at our Christmas concert.” I’m afraid the delightful discovery of Dr Badger’s ability to sing and her admiration for ‘Balulalow’ has been decidedly overshadowed by her Grinch-like spirit and reference of herself in the third person. Not very holly or jolly. I wonder if this will lead to possible Christmas beef with the harpist. Stay tuned.
Ms Whitby
Intercepting this (hopefully less Grinch-y) chemist on her way to her office, Ms Whitby uttered a quick “Ooh…” before stating she “quite liked ‘Season of the Stick’”. Decidedly less Grinch-y than Dr Badger then - is there anything as characterising of this winter period than, indeed, it’s leafless nature? Probably not the first thing that pops into mind…but something which evidently excites Ms Whitby. She informs me that “someone did a cover of it” but is strongly against it as she “likes the original”. #AuthenticQueen. The chemist then apologised and told me “‘Stick Season is actually what’s called…by Noah Kahan”, excusing her mistake with the phrase: “I’m not actually very good at finding the names of things…” This must prove an annoying obstacle when desperately searching the rows of the Periodic Table for that one element you need to write down and can never find.
Anna
An indignant exclamation followed my question, expressed in the form: “But you don’t know the Portuguese ones!” True, Anna, very true. However, serious journalism knows no limits - and most definitely does not pay attention to silly ones such as language barriers. The quest for the inside scoop remains undaunted. Having convinced our dedicated lunchlady of my earnest determination, I received the response: “A Portuguese singer, Fernando Daniel”. Anna then went on to explain with such rapid, vigorous reverence the title and reason behind her favourite song, that I have managed to forget entirely both explanations. However, I have scoured the internet to try and find a plausible title, but to no avail. The mysteries of this Portuguese singer-songwriter and his alluring tunes will, for now, remain secret.
Xoxo
Unpublished
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