Make or Break

There is supposedly an unbreakable bond between twin sisters, a friendship for life. Last weekend, this relationship was called into question when my sister, Dora, and I found that we had polar opposite views on a very important subject - whether or not to add milk to scrambled eggs. We asked friends, parents, acquaintances, and the vote was pretty much 50/50 (Godolphin mainly prefer no milk, and Latymer Upper prefer milk), with everyone having a strong opinion on the subject. So, we've decided that every week a pair of siblings will argue (as siblings do) their differing views on a topic. For the first in this instalment, see below for Dora and my views on whether milk should or should not be added to scrambled eggs...

AGAINST MILK (Phoebe):

Eggs are, in my opinion, the most significant of breakfast foods – they didn’t become the most liked photo on Instagram for nothing. They make or break a meal (pun very much intended) and, as breakfast is widely considered to be the most important meal of the day, how you prepare your eggs is an all too crucial subject, often criminally undiscussed. The perfect scramble is soft, it is light, and it leaves you perfectly satiated without feeling too full. However, get it wrong and you are left with a liquidy, insipid mess. This is what your scrambled eggs will succumb to if you add milk. There’s enough chaos in the world, let’s not add milky eggs to the mix.

In my research on this subject (which was extensive, crossing school and age borders), I have come to realise that the sad truth of this matter is that anyone who thinks milk belongs in eggs has a personality much like their scramble - bland. They stick to the norm like their eggs stick to a pan. Their lives, like their eggs, lack colour, so they add a splash of milk because they're too cowardly to add any more. Don’t be like this, live your life to the fullest, make your eggs as delicious as they can be. Don’t compromise when it comes to living your life, and don’t compromise on your eggs. They say there's no use crying over spilt milk, but if I ever spill milk directly into my pan of scrambled eggs, I'm giving myself license to sob.

FOR MILK (Dora):

It has come to light that my sister, and several other delinquents from your place of education, are indulging in freakish behaviour that needs to be stopped. If you don’t put milk in your scrambled eggs it is just an egg that has been mixed - just some messed up omelette. It is also too hard, too yellow , too stodgy and just plainly not how scrambled eggs should be. When Chris Evans asks how you like your eggs in the morning, only maniacs reply that they like theirs “without milk”. Imagine putting eggs straight in the pan, sticking to the bottom, and scraping them around until they cluster and clump together, lonely without the milk’s presence. Genuinely disgusting behaviour. Scrambled eggs (with milk) are inclusive of everyone with the range of milk now available. Add some almond for a hint of nuttiness, some oat milk for the extra protein, and if you’re feeling really cheeky why not spice it up with some soy? Us milk-scramblers will be thriving with our extra dose of calcium and vitamins whilst those who succumb to plain eggs will be staying at home, struggling with their osteoporosis. Those same plain-jane’s that don’t add milk get lemon and herb at Nando’s. Next they’ll be saying to have popcorn without salt, they may even say to not pop it at all! Those who don’t add milk are going to find life just like their eggs - hard and incredibly boring. Imagine being too scared to add some milk to your eggs; it’s cow juice for heaven's sake, live your life!