In my eyes, there is nothing more versatile, satisfying or comforting than a good dip and dipper; dipper, being the crunchy vehicle that carries the essence of the dip into one’s mouth. A good dip should bring taste-bud-exciting flavour and a perfect texture, whilst having the ability to soothe the blow of a break-up, calm nerves before an exam or liven up an awkward dinner party. Such a creative food group provides a dip for every occasion and when the correct one is chosen, never disappoints. In this article, I will be performing an in depth analysis of 9 popular dips, ranking them on a highly precise scale and explaining my reasoning. Now grab a snack, preferably your favourite dip, and let’s begin the dipscussion.
1. Hummus
Obviously, this article would not be complete without a much deserving mention to the Queen of dips. The CEO. The dip that started dips. As much as some of you may be wanting me to criticize this highly rated bundle of delight, I can unapologetically confirm that hummus is lawfully faultless and effortlessly good. Not only is this creamy, chickpea-filled pot of gold delicious at any time of the day, it also loves to be dunked by such an exhaustive list of dippers. For the healthier bunch- carrot batons (it means fancy word for stick) , cucumber batons, celery (not a personal favourite but I’ll accept) and roasted cauliflower (not done enough, but really quite spectacular), to name a few. To elevate the joy of hummus to the next level, pitta bread, tortilla chips or crackers, especially, hold a special place in my heart. The sensation of a warm cloud of pitta bread completely smothered in hummus is one that reminds me of a hug. It brings me so much joy and comfort and reassures me that there is still good in the world.
2. Guacamole
Another die-hard winner. Call me basic, but the guac and chips combo snack is my favourite dish in the entire world. The balance of the citrusy lime, creamy avocado, slightly spicy chili and coriander flare makes this dip a chunky masterpiece. You begin with one perfectly crisp tortilla chip, submerge it in a lake of green goodness and 10 minutes later you have finished the whole bag of chips and have practically inhaled the whole bowl of guacamole. There is something so indescribably addicting about guac, it is almost a cause for suspicion. My only qualm is that the only acceptable dipper for guac is a chip, but in a way this flaw is redeemed by guacamole’s stupidly useful presence when in a burrito, taco, nachos, etc… She is the gift that keeps on giving that no one is ever disappointed by- truly divine.
3. Salsa
I have some words to say about salsa. Before I do, it is important to differentiate between the multitude of salsa that seem to exist. Most commonly, you have the mild salsa (chunky in form, mostly tomatoes and onions), the green salsa (hold the thickness of a runny soup, still unsure of this one’s character) and the spicy salsa (the red one that is either viciously hot and wreaks havoc on my insides or has no flavour). Whilst I do enjoy a bit of chip and mild salsa action at times, I quickly get quite bored and I am majorly unsatisfied. As for the other two, can we even classify them as dips considering they are generally runnier than ketchup and always seem to leave a trail of drippage across the table- ie. the avenue between the dip and the mouthful. I can appreciate a well-made, flavourful pop of salsa in my burrito bowl, however in that case isn't it acting as a condiment? As mayonnaise would act in a sandwich? Sorry to leave you with such saucy ambiguity, but I am still inconclusive. Chaotic neutral.
4. Tzatziki
Now this one struck a bit of a debate in the sixth form common room. Does tzatziki qualify as a dip? My argument was no; it is obviously a condiment or sauce variation. However, I was quickly overruled by a number of people who argued that tzatziki’s main purpose on the table is to be dipped into by a pitta bread or chip. So, it makes it on the list, standing at a solid ‘lawful neutral’. Neutral because I never have a burning desire for it, but neither do I passionately despise it. Lawful because it seems to have it’s act together and isn’t an attention-seeking presence.
5. The Seven Layer Dip
Rage. Fury. Disgust. Wrath. These are all words that come to my mind when I picture this multi-layered monstrosity. Nothing about it is appealing. Everything about it makes me feel severely uncomfortable. There is no way people voluntarily eat this. The poor guac is being suffocated by hot beans, making the temperature balance all wrong. The salsa at the bottom might as well be forgotten about and who decided to top it off with a black olive salad?! NO!!!! 7 layers of absolute chaos, confusing for the eyes, the taste buds, and the nose. I don’t even want to think about how I would go about dipping into it. So much is wrong here, the most evil dip to exist.
6. S'mores Dip
I'm sorry. That last rating was slightly negative. Justifiably so, but negative nonetheless.
On a brighter note, I present to you the ‘Chaotic good’ of dips- the only dessert dip on the list (and the only dessert dip I have ever tried). On the one hand, I’m a fan. What’s not to love about this sweet, chocolatey, marshmallowy mound of goodness dipped by a crunchy graham cracker. She’s happy, she’s fun, she doesn't care what you have to say about her. On the other hand, she reminds me of your screaming toddler cousin at the family reunion. One minute all smiles and laughs, the next, unbearable. One graham cracker too far into this dip and your stomach will feel grotesquely painful, your teeth will feel wobbly and your head may have a sugar headache. I may be exaggerating slightly, but the Smores dip is dangerous territory. So good but can take an unexpected turn at any point.
7. Baba Ghanoush
Often referred to as Hummus’s distant cousin (I disagree), we have Baba Ghanoush. An aubergine lovers’ dream, my nightmare. To be honest, if I did like this bizarre purple vegetable then perhaps this dip would be to my liking. On paper it doesn't seem that bad. But my hatred towards aubergines leaves me loathing Baba Ghanoush and I have no choice but to leave it in the ‘bad’ category. Lawful though, because the dip itself hasn't done anything wrong and it is to many peoples’ liking.
8. Queso
Hmm. Queso. On the surface level, just some melted cheese that raises no eyebrows or suspicions. But I am skeptical. The colour of this dip never fully seems to be the colour of natural cheese. Always slightly too yellow. The temperature is also puzzling. It is never served cold for obvious reasons, but it never seems to be completely hot either, like a cheese fondue, for example. So we are left in this confusing and slightly uncomfortable, lukewarm middle ground. It is not a dip I am ever craving, or a dip I jump to when it is on the table. But then again, it has a funky side and there isn't any other dip like it. Thus, true neutral.
9. Domino’s Garlic and Herb
Obviously I could not complete my dip analysis without mentioning my nemesis- the infamous ‘Garlic and Herb’ dip by Domino’s pizza. Now I do like Domino’s, don't get me wrong. Their pizzas are comfort food to the max and they never disappoint. But the fact that this dip feels the need to invade every pizza box is highly disconcerting and, quite frankly, annoying. There has not been one moment in my 17 years of living where I have voluntarily dunked my beautiful slice of pizza into this little pot of horrors. I understand some people may quite enjoy this incongruous pairing. If you are one of those, please explain the appeal to me. Another question I have for Dominos: what exactly is being put in this claggy, garlicky creation? Because last time I read the ingredients list, it read “garlic (1.4%) and herb (1%)” amongst other things. Questionable. But as my mum says, “sometimes less is more”. In this case, I am not so sure.
Kommentarer