I’m sure we can all agree the famed early 2000s era was the culprit of many things: Paris Hilton, low-waisted trousers and many questionable hairstyles…just to name a few. These infamous, illustrious years pressed their cultural imprint onto the Western world with pretty pink fingernails, and with it birthed a turn of the century unlike any other - ladies, we bring you: the great and glorious top ten ‘000s trends!
DISCLAIMER: I’m afraid I’m dedicated to delivering my complete, honest and unsugared opinion on each of these notorious trends, from the fantastic to the frightful, the acclaimed to the absolutely awful. Now, without further ado: Let the judgement begin.
I’ve decided to work my way from worst to best, to allow sufficient, dramatic suspense to build up as we reach the most iconic pinnacle of the ‘000s - so please, bear with me.
⚠️TW: graphic imagery⚠️
Number 10 - Duck Nails
Awful. Hideous. I swallowed down an unusually large amount of bile whilst scouring Google for images of the horrid things. My head spun. I felt my stomach clench. A hesitant peek through half-screwed-up eyelids confirmed my unvoiced suspicions: Duck Nails, lavashing in their own grotesqueness. I’ve since cleared my search history, and can confidently say I’m on track to a speedy recovery. I have absolutely no clue how a person, a being of sound and healthy mind, could have ever, willingly, stuck these monstrosities onto their fingernails. Personally, I believe Duck Nails should be described as ‘officially hazardous’ to all who possess the gift of eyesight - with or without neon, glittery patterns. The oblong shape clearly wasn’t successful enough in permanently blinding innocent onlookers by itself: no, the zebra stripes just had to be added. Truly harrowing.
Number 9 - Zebra Hair Stripes
Another trend featuring the evidently much-loved Savanna animal - clearly Dreamworks’ Madagascar was popular amongst both children and adults of the early 2000s (can confirm: banging movie). This hairstyle trend was sported by many a celebrity: Avril Lavigne, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Rowland and more. Though the ZHS aren’t as dreadful as the (TW) Duck Nails, I still firmly believe that Madagascar’s Marty isn’t the finest fashion role model - despite his iconic sense of humour. However, it seems this is not an opinion universally shared (surprising - my opinion should definitely be made law). In recent years, fashion has witnessed a sudden surge in ZHS, only now rebranded as ‘chunky highlights’. The bout of ZHS came and passed, and who knows when it will strike again? Scientists are still struggling in their research, and are currently unable to provide time-accurate estimates for the next wave. Maybe when we’re all old grannies we might be able to pay homage to ZHS one last time…until then, let’s stick with regular, similar-shaded highlights.
Number 8 - Overplucked Eyebrows
A trend carried through from the ‘90s into the early 2000s, Overplucked Eyebrows hit hard and celebs did not hold back. Now yes, obviously, thin eyebrows - when in accordance with a person’s natural brow shape and face structure - don’t always look bad. Personally, I think Paris Hilton actually quite suits them. However, it is common law that brows maketh [wo]man and therefore, have the formidable power to either make or break a face…and unfortunately, Overplucked Eyebrows usually induce the latter. Having been an overexcited eyebrow-plucker myself (one of my many dreadful Year 9 phases) I know only too well the post-pluck horror that descends when realising too much hair has been removed. Not a pleasant feeling. Despite this, I was still able to shamelessly walk into school every day with eyebrows thinner than shredded celery sticks, consecutively for an entire year. That my eyebrows have managed to make a full recovery is undoubtedly nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps my PTSD is the main culprit behind Overplucked Eyebrows’ eighth place…
Number 7 - Fishnet Gloves
For the emos and ‘mall goths’ (only recently became aware these existed) of the ‘000s, the Fishnet Gloves were a go-to. Yes, Avril Lavigne, I’m talking about you. What better way to declare your stand-alone edginess than with fishnet gloves? However, as you might have already guessed, the problems surrounding these holed hand-covers are plentiful: thus earning their title as seventh in this list. Let’s start with the absolute most basic aspect any trusted accessory should possess - practicality. The purpose of a glove is to warm the hand, not to expose numerous, small diamonds of skin to the vicious gusts of glacial evening wind. If anyone reading this has been unfortunate enough to experience first-hand the feeling of icy breezes irregularly knifing at your netted wrists and forearms, I’m sure you’ll agree when I say Fishnet Gloves are the very definition of impracticality. And to any hopeful summertime goths: no, the fishnet look is not made any better through bright, pastel colours - no matter how many Non-Stop-Party-Shops you ransack.
Number 6 - Berets
I think the best way to describe this ‘000s trend is: hit or miss. So far, of all the pictures I’ve seen of styled berets, none have yet inspired a desire to gouge my eyes out (something I began to fear might occur after the Duck Nails), but I can’t help feeling a sense of instinctive distrust against this particular headpiece. I’m not exactly sure as to why - maybe it’s the size. I can’t place it specifically, but the berets always seem to be ever-so-slightly too large for the faces upon which they sit. This odd largeness somehow manages to avoid obtaining the cute-because-its-oversized look and instead successfully achieves the this-was-not-made-for-my-head-size look. Or perhaps it’s the subconscious association to the French that causes my inexplicable distaste. Both prevent me from growing too fond, though I will say I’m very enthusiastic for appropriately-sized berets to become part of everyday outfits. Apologies to Godolphin’s French department for my completely satirical, good-humoured comment earlier - my ineptitude for French has always been a sore spot.
Number 5 - Velour Tracksuit Sets
We all knew it was coming. Matching Velour Tracksuit Sets were impeccable in the early 2000s - impeccable and undeniably iconic. The way I see it, these sets are the perfect balance between fashionable and comfortable - hence the truly neutral fifth place. With a range of colours, they can also be paired with a matching hairband for a more active, sporty feel. And, if you want to go even further above and beyond, why not stick on some similar-shaded running shoes as well? Perfect for that extra mile (pun intended). Honestly, this level of colour-coordination would definitely get me out and about for a morning jog. However, the Tracksuit Sets do have their drawbacks. I don’t know if anyone reading this has ever attempted to remove a stain from velour-like material, but let me tell you: once it has been stained, it will remain stained. That splash of bolognese sauce will be with you wherever you go - a sort of stubborn travel companion. Messy eaters: you’ve been warned.
Number 4 - Maneater Music
Ah, the era in which the music industry was revolutionised by crop-topped, big-hairdoed celebrities. Personally, I think the game was officially changed when Nelly Furtado blessed us with the release of her Loose album - featuring world-renowned musical landmarks such as Promiscuous and, of course, the infamous Maneater itself. Britney Spears’ Toxic, Kelly Clarkson’s Since You’ve Been Gone, Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie, Lady Gaga’s Poker Face and Kylie Minouge’s Can’t Get You Out Of My Head…just spelling out these legendary titles prompted some immediate appreciative humming and head-nodding - truly, the influence of Maneater Music knows no limits. Perhaps a less literal interpretation of the word ‘trend’, but nevertheless: its importance simply could not be overlooked. Least of all by a generation of Godolphiners raised by the #girlpower wave, which has now evolved into the less-cringeworthy #girlboss trend.
Number 3 - Female-Lead Chick Flick
I, without a doubt, would not have been the same person without the presence of ‘000s Female-Lead Chick Flicks in my life. It was through this iconic film genre that Anne Hathaway made her very first Hollywood debut in the unforgettable Princess Diaries series, and how the British public collectively exploded at the Hugh Grant-Colin Firth duo in Bridget Jones’ Diary. Not to mention countless childhoods built upon the pillars of chick flicks: A Cinderella Story (ohmygod Chad Michael Murray - need I say more?), Freaky Friday, She’s the Man, 13 Going On 30 - the list goes on. And, lest we forget, the famous words of our favourite chick-flick evil trio: “On Wednesdays we wear pink”. Such is its modern-day prevalence that certain Godolphin teachers have even taken it upon themselves to follow in Regina George’s heel-prints and dress themselves in pink to support charity each Wednesday. Truly, the impact of Female-Lead Chick Flicks is not to be underestimated.
Number 2 - Low Waisted Jeans
You knew it was coming. Would the early 2000s even be the early 2000s if Low Waisted Jeans weren’t a trend? Sported by practically every celebrity of the era, Low Waisted Jeans were (and still remain) a timeless classic - very easily dressed up or down. Their practicality and convenience saved many a wardrobe crisis, and, to quote Christina Aguilera: “My most comfortable state is when I’m wearing low-ris
e jeans, sneakers and a sweatshirt. In that, I am unstoppable.” And unstoppable this pop-culture icon most definitely was. Additionally, Low-Waisted Jeans allow for the post-meal bloating to sit comfortably above the denim waistband, instead of being tightly suppressed behind the bars of a mid or high-rise trouser prison - an experience I’m sure many of us will be able to relate to.
Number 1 - The Skinny Scarf
The haters have tried to silence me, but the truth cannot be held back: the Skinny Scarf is the absolute pinnacle of the early 2000s, and no one can tell me otherwise. Those who fear the Skinny Scarf’s power have tried to bring down it’s allure by snootily asking the questions: what’s the point? Where’s the use in a thin stretch of fabric? And, after some initial defensiveness, I’ve come to realise the truth: yes, the Skinny Scarf is, for the main part, ineffective. However, it is the precise pointlessness, this exact ineffectiveness that renders it so iconic. The donning of useless things is exactly what the ‘000s were all about - nonsensical decorations and accessories characterised this esteemed era. The stubborn refusal of the Skinny Scarf to conform to ‘normal’, creatively-stunted fashion standards is admirable and only makes it all the more distinctive in its division from the crowd of fashion stereotypes. A simple, sleek swath of colourful or patterned cotton, wool or polyester radiates a chic elegance unlike any other - creating the illusion of a swan-like neck. The most famous Skinny Scarf wearer is undoubtedly Kate Moss, who has followed the trend with an almost enviable dedication - styling her scarves not just round her neck, but knotted at the side, slipped through belt-loops and even around a dress.
To conclude, I hope you’ve enjoyed this completely unbiased and absolutely professional review of the Top Ten ‘000s Trends…hope to see a collective increase in Skinny Scarf wearers amongst the Godolphin community very soon
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