An Ode to Food Tech
As an A-Level student, it seems years ago that I even stepped foot in the institution that is E2. It was only when, looking through seven years worth of google photos, I was reminded of some of my culinary creations. I will admit, although initially repulsed, soon I became nostalgic for the time when going to school meant making mayo, no matter how chunky or greenish it may have been. Cherish it lower school! As a result, I would like to present to you a collection of some of our finest works- The Godolphin and Latymer Cookbook. (I will not be providing instructions on how to cook these. I think it will soon become apparent why.)
Appetisers:
Crudité
Looking to begin a meal in style, try the crudité! But don't be fooled. This is not what it may seem… although I am aware this may look like pepper and hummus, it is in fact mayo. It is just an unconventional scrambled eggs-esque mayo. Tuck in!
Skewers
The mayo not to your taste? No matter, try these skewers. Comprising avocado, cucumber, salmon, and radish (???), they are definitely a unique flavour combination. Although this assimilation is perhaps olfactorily offensive, they are undeniably aesthetically pleasing- perhaps better as a table centrepiece than a dish?
*I have been since prompted by the chef to note that this 'mayo' was held up to the class as an example.
Main Course:
Quiche
I just do not trust eggs cooked by a 12 year old I’m afraid. I think were a knife taken to this quiche, should anyone deign to try it, a tidal wave of uncooked egg would rush from the interior. But a nice circular shape and just look at that crisp pastry!
Phad Thai
For our next dish we look to Thailand! (I am so sorry, Thailand.) I can tell just by looking at it that it is stone cold. Worse, utterly flavourless. Those noodles are naked, shivering beneath a couple of poorly cooked prawns. Poor noodles. That circular arrangement of basil, no matter how visually stunning and masterchef-like (well done me), is not hiding the boredom beneath.
Dessert
Brown lumps
Not much to say here to be honest. Nasty.
Lemon Meringue Pie
Honestly at a loss for words. Simply astounding. Look at this cloud of perfectly crisped white fluffy meringue resting softly upon a comfortable bed of perfectly cut, buttery pastry. However, despite astonishing appearances, I am afraid I am unable to provide an insight into how it tasted as I actually hate lemon meringue pie. Shame.
Mini Trifle
Why not spruce up a trifle by serving it with a finish of whipped cream and sprinkles (?) Bonus presentation points if the single, slightly deflated bit of whipped cream in the middle is included. Despite their adorable size, this take on the British classic does pose a slight difficulty: how to eat such an item? I dont think a fork or spoon would prove useful. Perhaps just throw it back like a ginger shot?
Beverages
Green liquid?
Of course, a meal would not be complete without a refreshing beverage to wash it all down! Although I’m sure this green juice, the ingredients of which elude me, holds many health benefits, the fact it resembles Shrek’s toilet bowl the morning after a spicy curry is slightly off putting.
And so concludes the cookbook. I hope you are more successful in the kitchen than I was.
Xoxo
Unpublished
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