Procrastination - the fine art of putting things off until absolutely, definitely, irreversibly, unavoidably last minute. As we return back to school, the familiar sight of homework filling up our diaries reappears, and we all collectively promise that this is the year, the one where homework will get done immediately. If you’re anything like me, this lasts until half term at best, so here’s what to expert once that time is up…
Stage 1: Denial
It all starts innocently enough. “I’ll get to it later,” you tell yourself with far too much conviction. The piece of homework is due in two whole weeks, far in the future, and your confidence knows no bounds. You’re convinced you have plenty of time, because who wouldn’t? You’re practically an expert at last minute homework - certainly more skilled than the poor soul who starts their work a month ahead.
Stage 2: Bargaining
A week passes and the negotiation phase begins. Naively, you strike a deal with yourself: “I’ll start the homework right after this episode of [insert addictive TV show - for me Criminal Minds].” One episode turns into three, and suddenly you’re debating whether to watch “just one more” or to tackle that ever present assignment. You attempt to bargain with your inner self, but let's face it: the TV has a much stronger appeal. Just when you finally turn the TV off you attention is captured by the endless videos on TikTok.
Stage 3: Panic
The assignment is now due tomorrow, and you’ve reached full-on panic mode, two weeks too late. You’re freaking out over the thought of the looming deadline as well as frantically Googling "how to write a 10-page essay in one hour?" and ‘flights to Brazil departing today”. You lament whoever let you wait this long to begin. Spoiler alert: it was you.
Stage 4: Frantic Activity
You begin typing furiously, trying to channel your inner academic weapon. Your notes are scattered across half your bedroom, caffeine makes up 90% of your blood, and there’s a distinct chance you’re on the verge of developing carpal tunnel syndrome. The keyboard is your battleground, and you’re losing (or at least it feels like you are).
Time is your ultimate enemy.
Stage 5: Despair
As you hit the final hour, despair sets in. The essay draft looks like it was written by a squirrel who had too much caffeine, and you’re questioning every awful life choice that led you to this moment. Sure, your work might be a disaster, but at least it's on the page. Your eyes are watering from the screens glare and you wonder how you let this happen (again).
Stage 6: Acceptance
The deadline has arrived, and you’re officially in the acceptance phase. You navigate to Google Classroom to submit your assignment with a resigned sigh, knowing full well that you’ve just played a high-stakes game of roulette, one where there are no winners. You attempt to console yourself with the thought that everyone else is probably in the same boat.
Stage 7: Reflection
With the assignment finally submitted, you enter the reflection phase. You vow to change your ways, to never procrastinate again, and to start on the day it’s set. But deep down, you know this is just the beginning of another cycle. Well, at least you think so.
So there you have it - the seven stages of procrastination. Each stage is a hurdle in the grand journey of academic avoidance, a rite of passage that every student knows all too well unfortunately.
Xoxo,
The Unpublished Team
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