Merry Christmas all,
Well aware that assembling one’s Christmas list can be a stressful time full of indecision and strife, the Unpublished team has gone above AND beyond to find its readers some quality inspo. Venturing into the depths of the staffroom for the third time, we have once again interrogated our school’s very own teachers to come away with an extensive list of possible present ideas.
MISS WHITBY:
This Christmas all Miss Whitby wants is "a new pan?" However, the Chemist was worried that her Christmas wish would be "misunderstood"( I'm not sure how) so has asked me to provide a visual aid. She also wanted me to stress that this was not a boring choice and eagerly began promoting Our Place's non-stick cookware, particularly the pan in "berry pink" as she finds it "so pretty."
The berry pink pan in question
MS MCLAREN:
When asked what she wanted for Christmas Miss McLaren sprung at the opportunity to practice her ‘get ready with me’ monologue for her future influencer career.
This December she is desperate for some "GHD Curling Tongs" as she is after "those naturally curly waves" and is aware of a Christmas bargain where "you can get a nice little brush thrown in as well.” But the beauty guru has some doubts, worried that it might " take too much time in her morning routine" as some extra hair curling before school might be "trying to achieve too much.”
MME HALLS:
Mme Halls took a moment to ponder what things she wanted "to happen in society" for Christmas but then realised that actually she'd "quite like a new coat." She then added that it needed to be "a sort of mixed season one" that is "not too hot and not too cold" and "fits her petite frame" as she is constantly struggling with coats with sleeves that are too big.
MRS SHACKLETON:
Coats seem to be quite the hype amongst Godolphin's teachers as Miss Shackleton too would like "a nice thermal vest to keep her warm." Practical, tactical- we love to see it.
MRS MOULE:
Bizarrely, the vest theme continues with Mrs Moule's request for a running vest. Whilst this in itself seems ambitious, the athletic icon went on to explain how she "runs to school every time there is a strike" and is in dire need of her own running vest as she has been borrowing Miss Graham's.
MISS GRAHAM:
This casts a new light onto Miss Graham's Christmas wish to "get away from all the train strikes in London." Clearly the vest lending burden is too much. She has also asked for "new pair of running shoes."
Perhaps she should get two...
MR CORISH:
Really branching out his wardrobe and going out of his comfort zone for this answer, Mr Corish would like some "new bow ties" as he apparently does not have enough. He also then added that he would like "cuff-links" and "a new bike pump" because, as we learnt from Unpublished's last teacher article, he does love a cycle.
MRS MANSELL:
Aside from a toaster, because for some reason she does not have one, Mrs Mansell "doesn't want anything." Instead, the selfless Maths teacher is "all about the experience." #LetHerExperienceToast
DR HOLLIS:
We have another humble altruist in Dr Hollis who insists that she "does not want anything." I have since been made aware though that she does have the intention to go to Canada, from where she may never return...(she has anxieties about the custom strikes)
MME PALMER:
Mme Palmer, on the other hand, wants a lot of things.
After describing herself as "very simple,"the French teacher began listing all the "candles, vases, jewellery and makeup" she is hoping for. Just as I was about to lecture her on her materialistic ways (we should really be "all about the experience") she explained that she actually told her family not to buy her anything, and instead asked them to give a donation to the West London Action for Children Charity.
Impressed Student: What a charitable gal!
Mme Palmer: I am. (Satisfied nod.)
She is still hoping, however, that her husband "digs deep" and gets her something.
MR OSIATYNSKI:
Staying with the theme of benevolence, Mr O did not waste a second before announcing that all he wanted was "peace, love and good will to all people."
MR CASTLE:
Obviously too cool for his music teaching colleague, Mr Castle began saying "peace and harmony" but then swiftly decided that, he "didn't want to look like a lame-o." A Christmas request he felt was less damaging to his image was "tickets to the Test match" which I have since learnt is some cricket event. I was actually quite disappointed by this change of heart as I had many musical 'harmony' puns at the ready.
MRS ANTEBI:
In a fluster (as per when asked to be quoted), Mrs Antebi also initially went down the "peace and joy" route. She then emailed me expressing her concern that her goals would seem too"lofty" and changed her answer to "good results for our early US applicants." We at Unpublished usually never permit alteration of answers in any form as we believe in transparent, serious journalism yet - as a US applicant - I will let this slide.
DR BUNTING:
"A pony. Hands down"
Finally asked the question it appears has been tormenting her for some time, this History teacher used my question as an opportunity to unpack deep-rooted childhood trauma. She described in detail how her and her sister have been asking routinely for a pony since their youth, but year after year have been denied one.
She does not seem to be over it.
DR PACHECO-MORENO:
Childhood Christmas dreams evidently die hard amongst Godolphin's staff as Dr Pacheco-Moreno really wants "a new pair of white kickers". "I used to have them as a child but I've now just got the craving again".
MRS GARCIA:
I actually stood in the music office for a good ten minutes trying to get an answer out of Mrs Garcia before she revealed that her husband is "so rubbish at choosing presents" that she has been "put off present receiving" all together. The self-sufficient, independent woman explains that "if she really wants something, she will buy it herself" but does not want to experience the "disappointment" of receiving presents. A lovely Holiday tale.
Miss Garcia:"Maybe everyone will buy me presents now..." (looking at you readers)
MR GRIFFIN:
Mr Griffin, in contrast (getting in that AO4 comparison practice) did not hesitate before giving me another answer I had to look up. What he wants for Christmas is "Dubbonnet" which apparently is a very good tonic substitute for G&Ts.
The English teacher claims the drink has "changed his life" and needs more for Christmas as "it's just amazing."
MR DAVIES (History):
Really getting a wine-ducation from the Humanities teachers this year, Mr Davies would like "a magnum of Château Pretus" as he insists it is "the best Bordeaux- absolutely number 1." Apparently this stocking item is vital, as a "respite from teaching." As a class he teaches, thank you. I know Sir Robert Peel would've drunk Château Pretus.
MISS MORRIS:
Miss Morris' Christmas desire is for "the Holiday 2 rumours to not be fake" as all she wants is to spend her December with some "boozy chocolates" and a classic "bit of Jude Law".
I can confirm that the Holiday 2 does not in fact seem to be happening, but have included a photo of Jude Law to soften the blow.
MISS OCKENDEN:
Another adventurous pick- Miss Ockendon really wants “a ream of cartridge paper” (specifically 300GSM by 150cm and white). Here, the art teacher acts as an example of how to appreciate the simpler things in life. This paper was actually so exciting to Miss Ockenden that she has already ordered 25 sheets.
MR DAVIES (Art):
Ready to one-up his art teaching peer, Mr Davies wants to grow his own paper this Christmas. Although he is sure that he is “not going to get it” because apparently it is “not the right season,”Mr Davies has his eyes set on “tetrapanax plant seeds.” I have now learnt that a tetrapanax plant is a special type of evergreen shrub that can be used to make rice paper.
DR WOODBERRY:
Always keeping our readers guessing and thinking out of the box, Dr Woodberry wants "a house on Eton Square."
MISS JOSEPH:
"Not to return in the new year?"
Come December 25, Ms Joseph wants "to be a lady of leisure" with a "pina colada in one hand and sun lotion in the other."
MR GOLLAND:
Alternatively, this Geographer does not want to be a "man of leisure" but of "action", asking for "a new climbing harness" as he understands the "importance of health and safety" and his "old one is nackered."
DR CARTER:
A mouthpiece for students everywhere, Dr Carter would like "a full night's sleep" for Christmas as he is "broken."
MRS PAUL:
The Autumn term has been rough on the 6th Form team it seems, as all Mrs Paul wants is "a lie in".
(Both these teachers would like me to mention that they have small children and this is why sleep is so cherished)
MISS NEWLAND:
Always very specific in her desires, (I have a vivid memory of Miss Newland in year 10 maths explaining all the reasons she wanted Bear spray for Christmas) this mathematician would like some "hand woven venetian cushions".
MR HACKET:
Although he does "quite like to be surprised," especially by books, what this Classicist really desires is a "box of Turkish Delights." However, when told that this was quite a controversial, widely hated food choice, he began to regret his answer and justified his poor taste by saying "I just thought cause they're quite Christmas-y..... like Narnia".
MISS LORYS:
Unlike Mr Hacket, Miss Lorys' one wish this Christmas is "not to be suprised" after a scarring "un-anticipated massage" sprung upon her by her mother last year.
MR JUVAN:
Finally, we have the Grinch himself, Mr Juvan who refused to answer as he insisted it was "more in keeping with his personality"...
I propose that somebody buys Mr Juvan gum for Christmas, as he has been taking mine since year 9.
So there we go, with 30 Christmas list options uncovered by our investigative team (special shout out to Ariana Daly and Maya Ristvedt), and many strange voice recordings in my phone, we hope we have inspired some of you and eased up any indecision around wanting vests for Christmas.
I feel like I should add that I too would like a new coat for Christmas as my current one from Urban Outfitters is very year 9 (I bought it then) and I need to move on.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
If you want to be "a charitable gal" like Mme Palmer, Caterina Bargioni in year 10 has started her very own Christmas Just Giving Fund that we'll provide the link to here: https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/every-child-deserves-christmas
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