The Song of Achilles:
Let's be real. Everyone cried when they read this book. Actually, I believe that crying may be a slight understatement; the term indescribable agony has never seemed quite so truthful. This was definitely the first book you read in at least a year, after having it recommended by your sad and morose friend who, after reading this, possessed a form of self-proclaimed academic superiority. The Romeo to your Juliet has now been justifiably replaced with the Achilles to your Patroclus. Your standards are most definitely impossible to satisfy, and you romanticise literally everything in your life, trying to embody that #academiavibes classics student persona. You then went to pinterest, to gaze over the fanarts of Achilles and Patroclus, making you feel numb and incapable of human interaction for a good week or so.
It Ends with Us:
You found this book because after reading the Song Of Achilles, you turned to the all-knowing Booktok for another recommendation, to once more make you sob like a baby because this is how you will start feeling things, anything, again. You definitely have referred to yourself as an “atlas stan” (or something similar) and now you crave a relationship as wholesome as theirs. You could easily write an essay on this book, and most definitely want to be/ are those girls on tiktok who tab pages, and analyse practically every. Single. Word. Recommending this book to people isn't a hobby for you. No, it’s a lifestyle that you swear by. Your obsession with this book is not to be underestimated, and you reread it whenever any minor inconvenience occurs, (fair enough). This book definitely broke you.
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo:
Reading this book may have brought you to the conclusion that you do, indeed, love women. Your hatred for men has only grown (specifically Max Girard and Don Adler), and you now feel a kinship with the women out there who bark at men. Harry, of course, is the only exception. You have now purchased Malibu Rising and Daisy Jones And The Six and are now viciously gatekeeping this author, as well as telling everyone of your dream fancast for Evelyn (Ana De Armas is a personal favourite of mine). You are most definitely the loudest person in the room and everybody around you knows it. You are an extrovert, (to put it plainly) and you can strike up a conversation with anyone at ease - especially when it concerns this book.
We Were Liars:
You definitely found this book by looking up, and I quote, “sad books to make you cry.”If, however, you are elite in every shape and form, this book was forced upon you by your English tutor (definitely not personal experience though.) People actively avoid talking about this book around you because they know that you will gatekeep this book until you (sadly) pass on. You hold yourself on a high horse based on the false pretence that you “discovered” this “underground” book. I hate to break it to you, but no, you didn't. In all reality, this book made me feel things. And if you didn't have an existential crisis after reading it, to me, you are a soul-eating ghoul with a sky high tolerance for pain.
Ugly Love:
You only read this book because after finishing It Ends With Us you then decided to explore more of Colleen Hoover's masterpieces, and hopefully, end up sobbing because this is the only way for you to have an emotional reaction of any kind. Personally, after reading this book, I came to the ultimately sane conclusion that this book was definitely… not PG (don’t come at me please). However, if you did enjoy this book, you are definitely one of the girls who would read this with absolutely no shame whilst in public, which you are extremely brave for doing so. You would furiously write a 3 hour long debate justifying Miles’s actions, which, unfortunately, are inexcusable (again, do not attack me, I know you would).
They Both Die At The End:
To me, this book felt as long as A Little Life regardless of the fact it was only 350 pages. It did not make me cry. I knew (using my deductive and investigative skills) that they would die at the end. I mean, who saw that coming? You read this book because Booktok, our saviour, recommended it under the title “Books to read if you liked The Song of Achilles or The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo”. You persevered through the menial and seemingly endless chapters only to be rewarded with the not-so-devastating ending. If this is truly your favourite book, then I implore you to go out into the world and discover taste. You are the type of person who would defend this book, whilst also being incapable of explaining why it should be read, other than a “showstopping ending”, which you believe to be a suitable reason to endure the utter boredom that is this book.
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