Judging you based on your favourite place to go in Hammersmith
The time has finally come; after countless articles picking you apart based off your star sign, your Halloween costumes, your favourite G&L lunch dish, essentially any and every aspect of your being, I’ve made the personal decision to branch out and judge you based on something so very random and pointless, but nonetheless extremely character defining.
I’m judging you based on your favourite place to go in Hammersmith when you escape the confines of the Godolphin gates. This is particularly applicable to our sixth formers, for whom this includes our long awaited lunch breaks where we’re free to explore the bottomless depths of W6. For younger girls - don’t worry, use this article as a navigation guide for the not so distant future, where you’ll be the ones faced with the monumental decision on whether to make the perilous journey to either Pret or Starbucks.
Wasabi
We’re starting relatively strong here. Wasabi is nice, satisfying, and fulfilling. Everyone has a good time there. No complaints. But, dare I say it, it’s slightly - mid? Whilst there are no obvious flaws in sight (only delicious food and good seating), it’s just somewhat average. It doesn’t appear to be anyone’s firm favourite, but rather a steady second choice. A backup option for when the Pret queue of businessmen, artsy unemployed people on their gap year and secondary school pupils is just too long. That's why, if for some reason it is your most treasured spot, I’m accusing you of being a tad bit boring.
Starbucks
Another key feature of Hammersmith broadway. Without Starbucks, where would we all become full fledged teenagers through experiencing our first taste of (mildly awful) coffee mixed with masses of sugar. If this is your favourite, then I would say you have questionable taste. But, I’m choosing to give you the benefit of the doubt - soon enough this won't be a favourite, but a nostalgic memory. At least I hope. If it's not a phase and a permanent favourite, then I do applaud you for your persistence, but I am slightly terrified of you as a person.
Pret
Here it is. Pret A Manger. The holy grail of all Londoners, particularly private school girls at Godolphin and Latymer, who (based on my widespread research), agree with a strong majority that Pret is the place to be. Basic? Maybe. But I prefer the terms classic, timeless and essential. If Pret is your place of preference, then you’re right. Absolutely, wholeheartedly correct. I say, embrace outlandish accusations of being basic. Accept the critics calling you boring. They’re just jealous that their free subscription has run out.
Alma
Another staple coffee shop in the realm of Hammersmith. However, this one is just short of being on the same untouchable level. If this is your favourite place, I do commend you for having excellent taste. Upon this statement, I feel though it is appropriate to mention that if you stumble into the establishment at the right time, you’re more than likely to spot several of Godolphin's own teachers. However, I do accuse you of being slightly impractical. If you’re going to Alma every morning/lunch time, I gather that you’re a spontaneous person who enjoys the finer things in life. After all, you’d have to sell your kidneys to be able to afford one of their iced oat milk caramel lattes (a Godolphin student staple, of course)
Tesco
Whilst this is undoubtedly the odd one out in this list, Tesco is no less of a key spot for Godolphin students. Particularly with the recent loss of the tuck shop (which I personally will never stop mourning), runs to Tesco’s are a rite of passage here. Whether it’s for forgotten food tech ingredients or just cravings, I respect the need for Tesco trips, and consequently I respect you. If this is your favourite, then you understand what is important in life. Strawberry laces and meal deals. Don’t question it, and don’t let anyone make you feel less for choosing this over lavish, overpriced iced coffees.
Any Individual Coffee Shops
If your place of choice is one of these, then you’re the best. Better than everyone. Without question. You have taste superior to everyone else. I’m also going to make the presumption (based on my own personal experiences) that
you enjoy gatekeeping. It can’t be helped, and you shouldn’t have to help it. As a person, you manage to uphold your said superior taste whilst also having the power to turn away from the monotonous capitalist structure of society. Don’t worry, I won’t give any examples or name names about which independent shops are the top tier ones, in order to protect all of our beloved enthusiastic gatekeepers (you know exactly who you are) from having aneurysms whilst reading this.
Joe and the Juice
If independent shops represent the gatekeepers of our society, Joe and the Juice lovers are certainly the girl bosses. Don’t view that as an insult, if you think it through you’ll realise it makes perfect sense. Also, if Joe and the Juice is your favourite then you’re a cool person, and you probably have great fashion sense to match your good taste. However, in all honesty I would actually say this is a more basic choice than Pret (which I will continue to defend wholeheartedly). In all fairness, this label isn’t being used in a derogatory way - as previously mentioned, I strongly think we should disown any shame felt for being basic. So, whilst I rank Joe and the Juice below Pret, I still value it more than some other places.
Dragon Cat
In all honesty, I’m slightly terrified that my review on those whose favourite is dragon cat will lead to my disappearance. I wouldn’t put it past you sneaky people - if dragon cat’s your favourite then I’m confident that you are extremely passionate about this and also extremely ready to rip apart anyone who disagrees with you. Despite this, I’m choosing to prioritise journalistic integrity by being honest (and taking full advantage of the anonymity which comes with this). Dragon Cat just doesn’t possess the same positive qualities like others on
this list, with none of the charm of our beloved secret coffee shops, the reliability of Tesco or the allure of over priced Alma. Instead, we have an establishment with “Ten year service” (at least this suggests you're a patient person) and “terrible bubble tea” (in all fairness, this point is subjective). Please notice the quotation marks - this was said by a certain friend of mine with a hatred for Dragon Cat. Dragon Cat fanatics, may I ask you to redirect your unbridled fury towards her.
Comments