What Do These 4 Tube Lines Say About You?
Is there truly an activity Godolphin girls love more than that of investing oneself entirely and completely in the world of horoscopes? From zodiac signs to Tarot card readings, revelling in often baseless and far-fetched prophecies is increasingly becoming a daily activity for many - the amount of oddly specific ‘Interpreting Your Aura!’ TikToks that spawn onto my For You page each day is truly frightening. Though it’s probably not the most healthy idea to indulge in the fruitless promises of a ‘Letters Destined to be Soulmates’ account (likely run by an imaginative nine-year-old playing around with her favourite names) I for one, am guilty. I just can’t help myself - something about these deeply improbable predictions instantly capture my attention, and suddenly I’m somehow in a 2-hour-deep name/aura/face/palm-reading session. And because festering in this guilt might actually motivate me to stop watching, I have decided to spread the bad influence with the rest of Godolphin in the vain hopes that I’ll seem less pathetic by the end of this article. And, of course, because of the journalistic passion that drives each piece of Unpublished writing! Obviously…..
Aptly-named, the TFL Horoscope aims to entice, inspire and intrigue. Do with the 100% reliable, fact-based, enclosed information what you will.
1) District Line
Starting with my absolute fav of a tube line, the District Line is simply a London rite of passage. Literally. You physically cannot call yourself a Londoner if you haven't used the District Line - which would be both improbable and impractical: who at Godolphin could’ve not used the District Line? How else could you get to South Ken’s once-treasured Bubbleology for your weekly 3pm catch-up with that friend, or Parson’s Green’s Pottery Café for that one girl’s annual pottery-paint-party? And, lest we forget, how could you enjoy the realm of Covent Garden, with its quirky fro-yo shops and occasional pop-up stores (yes, Glossier girls, I’m looking at you). The District Line life is one of casual, breezy ease - apart from the inevitable, dreaded, terrifying surge in passengers as you roll into Earl’s Court Station. The District Line Girl wears her chin high and her ponytail low, is never seen without her staple, artistic tote bags and practically sleeps in her leather jacket - perhaps a consequence of viewing one too many #DowntownGirl TikToks. Whatever you do, DO NOT ask if she takes the Circle Line. The District-Circle rivalry runs deep - don’t underestimate it. In the following week, District Line girls should look out for an unexpected revival in an old bond thought to be broken forever (I may or may not have taken inspiration from Ms McLaren on this one: the power of the ‘reach-out-to-an-old-friend’ assembly truly has no limits). So look out: who knows what surprises await your green-lined friends this week…
2) Piccadilly Line
This tube line is not for the weak-hearted. Not one to waste time, the Piccadilly Girl seems more like a blur than an actual person - her natural pace is at least 5 steps faster than everyone around her and she eats, breathes and sleeps at 3.5x speed. She’s got many places to be and little time to get there, and even though she meticulously plans everything around her down to the last millisecond, she’s always somehow in a perpetual rush - on the rare occasion you see a Piccadilly Line girl not rushing, it’ll be because she’s mentally preparing herself for the inevitable rush ahead. When looking for suitable conversation starters with this girl, try neck pain. Weird, I know, but trust me: she’s definitely got some sort of chronic neck pain from having to repeatedly bow her head each time she enters a train - the mystery as to why the Piccadilly trains are always so much lower than the platforms is one that keeps these girls awake at night. If you have an unhealthy obsession with flexing your neck and speed-walking, here’s what you should keep in mind this coming week: talking things through is always better than keeping them bottled in. A cliché, it’s true, but if you Piccadilly girls succeed in casting aside your discomfort and voicing your problems I predict a sudden upwards curve will strike your career in the near future!
3) Northern Line
A Northern Line girl has two main defining features. The first pertains to the ears and the second, the voice. Victim to the excruciatingly loud grating noises of Northern Line trains, the Northern Line girl’s ears have inevitably grown themselves an extra-thick, additional layer of earwax, which can often result in hardness of hearing when engaging in conversation with her normal-eared friends. If you have to repeat the same story to your friend at least seven times, it’s safe to assume she takes the Northern Line. Similar to the ears, if you’re a Northern Line girl you definitely don’t know how to whisper. It’s not your fault - many a loud commute has trained your voice to automatically speak at above-underground-noise level. I actually recently discovered the Northern Line is the most popular London Underground Line, which initially came as a surprise - but I soon understood why. That’s right. Camden Station: a Northern Line girl’s natural habitat. Crystals, henna, rings, anything Camden Market has to offer - you can find her under its vividly-painted buildings. When walking through Camden together, don’t be surprised when she greets liberty-spiked @zombiepunk4 with a practised nod and a smile. Tragically, I think the TFL Horoscope might put the Northern Line girl off visiting Camden for a while, as a streak of bad luck seems to be in fast-approach: a decision made confidently will unexpectedly prove itself to have been wrongly-picked, but worry not! I’m sure you can just curse it away using one of the magical crystals from your no-doubt infinite collection.
4) Elizabeth Line
Maybe it’s the relation to a sparkly crown, maybe it’s the electronic on-board maps, there’s just something about this tube line that screams: Futuristic. The Elizabeth Line girl most definitely tries to do all she can to abide by the adored #cleangirl aesthetic, and consequently has an obsession with all things ‘micro’. Let me explain: micro-bangs, micro-plaits, micro-skirts - she wears them all. Not to mention her impressively skilful ability to come to school with differently-styled hair every day - the slicked-back-ponytail being her personal favourite (obviously). If you’re looking for gift ideas, some form of hair gel would be a good place to start. When it comes to an Elizabeth Line girl, do not underestimate her when it comes to personal space - she doesn’t pay an extra £1.20 Monday through Friday for nothing. You can expect to see her splayed out on those purple seats, legs and arms fully stretched to take complete advantage of those precious extra 10cm of leg room. A bit of an irritating event will soon befall the community of Elizabeth Line girls: an unforeseen twist in your future will derail the plans you have been working towards. Whether it be that party in two weeks or that one friend you’ve been trying to catch hold of all month, some inevitable change will throw you off. Sorry, Elizabeth Line girls - better luck next week.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this collection of highly factual predictions and I wish the best of luck to the Northern Line and Elizabeth Line members of the Godolphin community as they brave their futures this coming week.
(Special thank you to my friend for the tube-line-themed idea: yes, she forced me to write her a thank-you note.)
Commentaires