Disclaimer: While it may seem like I am slating some parts of the lunch menu, this is only because I am an empty person who needs to lower others to feel something inside. G&L lunch is basically the one highlight of my day. Try and tell me you don’t like school lunches and I will hunt you down and throw you into a vat of toffee popcorn sauce.
Indian Appetisers
The holy grail of the lunch menu. I can’t quite put my finger on why I love Indian appetisers so much, but I see their name (which is beautifully eloquent in itself) and my heart just fills with joy. If you like an Indian appetiser, I like you. You’re an adventurous spirit who is probably going to end up taking a gap year to backpack around Eastern Europe, and may go on to rival Jeff Bezos for being the richest person on the planet. I just know it -- Indian appetiser choosers are going places.
Cut fruit with dipping sauce
Let’s cut right to the chase -- what? If you’re choosing, or have chosen at any point in your G&L journey, cut fruit with dipping sauce to end the meal, you perhaps need to explore your inner demons. It’s not that it’s bad -- it’s just that the raw concept of it perplexes me; What is the dipping sauce? Is it just the juices of the fruit? And most importantly, why do you want it? Pick yoghurt. Pick cake. Pick normal fruit that DOESN’T COME WITH DIPPING SAUCE for God’s sake. You're so utterly mysterious my finite mind cannot comprehend you. I don't even want to try.
Pulled pork bao buns
You’re an elusive creature. Much like the pulled pork bao bun, you seem to appear unexpectedly in everyone’s lives for an amazing day, and then disappear with no warning. Very Scorpio of you. I feel like you ghost all your friends constantly, but then when you do turn up, it makes the arrival all the better. Who cares if you’ve vanished for weeks, months, even? We’ll call it mystery. If you like a pulled pork bao bun, please be more consistent. We miss you.
Donuts
Yes, yes, I know -- this isn’t actually very specific to Godolphin at all. But hear me out; what does make it G&L specific is the massive amount of suspense that ‘Donuts’ seems to entail. Will it be a jam donut? Will it be dry or the best thing you’ve ever eaten? Will it randomly be iced ring donuts in an oddly large variety of flavours with sprinkles? It’s impossible to know. So if your favourite item is donuts, I feel a little bit afraid. Makes me question what kind of maniac can be so wild, so unhinged, as to place their bets on an item that varies so enormously in quality and design. But, to paraphrase Lana Del Rey -- you are crazy, but you’re free.
The classic Wednesday bolognaise
You’re classy. There’s no other way to see it. Yes, the bolognaise is on the menu every week, but it’s also delicious, so if this is your choice, I think I like you. You know what you want, and you’re grounded. However, there are those weird Wednesdays where the bolognaise is randomly more salty, so I feel like this could translate to you being kind of mean every now and then. It’s fine -- we can put up with it. If you were a Taylor Swift song, you would be ‘Style,’ because I never get bored of you.
Popcorn with toffee sauce
Hmmm. I’m not sure about you. Popcorn with toffee sauce is kind of upsetting to me, because every time it’s served I gain another layer of trauma. Like, yes, the popcorn itself is nice, but the plastic cups? And then there’s the experience of picking up the ladle only to find, whoops, that the ENTIRE thing is somehow coated in syrup, and now your hand will never not be sticky again (I blame the year 7s because when I was eleven I too needed to be educated on how to hold a spoon) But once you get past the actual pain of getting your popcorn, it’s pretty good. So maybe you’re the type of person with a hard exterior who’s actually really sweet once we get to know you. Or maybe you’re just a pain.
Roast turkey with a pork, sage, and onion stuffing
I am a bit concerned if this is your favourite G&L menu choice. No hate, it’s a classic, but it's also just … boring? Does anyone really truly go into the lunch queue with a burning craving for roast turkey? The answer is, or at least should be, no. But if you do, I get the sense that you’re a horse girl with a charming country house that you go to every other weekend. I won’t justify this. It’s just a gut feeling.
Vegetable panache
Something about vegetable panache just hits different. It’s so simple, yet so beautiful. I think you have your life together in a sort of happy-go-lucky-wears-oversized-wool-jumpers kind of way. I feel like you have a lot of layers (complex character energy), and while most of them are great (e.g cauliflower) there are some parts of you that are a bit… unusual. I’m talking about the sporadically placed courgettes. Why are they so sour? It just really upsets the whole balance. However, this is a Me Problem because I’m pretty sure I’m just allergic to courgettes. I won’t blame you for it. Go about your life and be at peace, vegetable panache chooser.
Curly fries
You didn’t think I was going to leave out curly fries, did you? In my opinion, they form the backbone of our school. The day they stop being served, we all might as well pack up and go to Latymer because nothing will ever be the same again. If you love a curly fry, I salute you, I really do. Perhaps one day you should apply to be headteacher of our school -- I bet you do five sports, play three musical instruments, and are a member of literally every club there is. You are just living the G&L experience better than all of us. Either that, or you hate school and drown your sorrows by getting a plate of chips, eight sachets of ketchup, and dying inside.
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